幽默簡單英語小說推薦

Ⅰ 急求英語搞笑小短文。要幽默，搞笑、簡單。明天下午就要了，哪位大哥有的，謝謝…急

第一個
Anarab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?
"Abl Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"
翻譯：
Anarab在一個美國關卡前的時候接受一些例行檢查
「你叫什麼名字？」
「ABDUL AZIZ」
「性別？」
「一周六次！！」
「噢，不是，我的意思是男性還是女性」
「沒所謂拉，我有時候甚至駱駝也可以」

第二個
Sex is like a restaurant.

Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service "
翻譯：
性愛就像一家旅店

有時候你能夠得到全方位滿意的服務，不過還有時候你只能通過自給自足達到滿意的程度

第三個
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of.Cosmo
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy.
and ....
Wife on the cover of "missing persons".
翻譯：
什麼可以讓一個男人開心呢？
女兒出現在Cosmo的封面上；
兒子出現在體育畫刊的封面上；
情人出現在花花公子的封面上；
還有…….
老婆出現在「尋人啟事」上；

第四個
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor!
Teacher: Why?
LJ: Because it's the only profession where you can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it
翻譯：
老師：你長大了想做什麼？
小約翰：醫生！
老師：為什麼呢？
小約翰：因為只有這個職業你可以讓一個女人脫掉衣服而她的丈夫還為此買單

第五個
Woman complaining to dentist
"It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."
翻譯：
女人對牙醫抱怨道:
「那實在太痛了，我情願去生孩子也不想拔牙」
牙醫：「你要是想好了，我就把椅子的姿勢調一下」

第六個
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. Wanted her tombstone to read : BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: "RETURNED UNOPENED"
翻譯：
一個85老太太快要死了，卻還是個處女，他留下遺願，希望自己的墓碑上刻上：出生的時候做處女 活著的時候做處女 死了還要做處女！
雕刻墓碑的工匠嫌太長，遂刻上：「退貨,未拆包裝".

第七個
75 years old man got married to a 15 years girl.
On their first night both were crying.....
Why???
Because she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything 一個75歲的老頭子和一個15歲的小姑娘結婚了
結果洞房的那個晚上兩個人都哭了
為啥呢？？？
因為女孩什麼都不知道，而老頭子什麼都忘記了

Ⅱ 十萬火急！求十篇幽默英語小短文！

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」
Father's Things

When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howard's clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.

Mr. Howard did not like this, and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things.

One evening when Tom came downstairs to go out, his father stopped him in the hall. He looked at Tom's clothes very carefully.

Then he said angrily, "Isn't that one of my ties, Tom?"

"Yes, Father, it is," answered Tom.

"And that shirt's mine too."

"Yes, that's yours too," answered Tom.

"And you're wearing my belt!" said Mr. Howard.

"Yes, I am, Father," answered Tom. "You don't want your trousers to fall down, do you?"

父親的東西

湯姆.霍德華十七歲的時候，長得和父親一樣高了，於是當他晚上和朋友一起出去時，就開始借父親的衣服穿。

霍德華先生可不喜歡這樣，當他發現他的兒子穿他的衣服時，總是非常生氣。

一天晚上，湯姆下樓准備出去，父親在門廳里攔住了他。他細細打量著湯姆的穿著。

然後他氣呼呼地說：「湯姆，那不是我的一條領帶嗎？」

湯姆回答說：「是的，父親，是你的領帶。」

「還有那襯衫也是我的。」

「是的，襯衫也是你的。」湯姆回答說。

「還有呢，你連皮帶也用我的。」霍德華先生說。

「是的，父親，」湯姆回答說，「你不願意讓你的褲子掉下來吧？」 Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."

"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"

安眠葯

鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫生，醫生給他開了一些強力安眠葯。

星期天晚上鮑勃吃了葯，睡得很好，在鬧鍾響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室，遛達進去，對老闆說：「我今天早上起床一點麻煩都沒有。」

「好啊!」老闆吼道，「那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？」

Ⅲ 誰有短篇的英文幽默小說。。急

1. Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says 2. "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"! 四個好朋友在醫院里碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產.護士過來對第一個男人說:"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的經理."過了一會兒,護士過來對第二個男人說:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最後,護士跑來對第三個男人說:"恭喜,你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說:"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們三個都很高興,但第四個夥伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝並用頭撞牆.他們問他有什麼不對勁,他回答道:"什麼不對勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀！」3. Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut. "Eight dollars," I answered. "And for a shave?" "Five dollars." "All right," he said, settling into the barber chair. "Shave my head." 前些日子，有一男的來到我的理發店，問剪一個頭要多少錢。 「八美元，」我告訴他。 「那，刮次鬍子呢？」 「五美元」。 「那行」，那男的邊說邊坐到了理發椅上，「來，給我刮刮頭吧」。4. A father and son snake are out for a nice afternoon slither. The son asks, "Dad，are we poisonous snakes?" The father replies proudly, "Yes son, we are rattler snakes! Why do you ask son?" "Because DAD, I just bit my tongue!!" 一個陽光明媚的下午，蛇父親和蛇兒子出去散步。兒子問：「爸爸，我們是毒蛇嗎？」父親得意的答道：「當然了，孩子，我們是響尾蛇啊！為什麼這么問呢？」「因為，我剛把舌頭咬破了！」 先提供四篇給你，加上上面的那麼多，應該夠了。謝謝

Ⅳ 求推薦幽默的英美小說，因為英語不大好，所以小說不需要經典，只求不要太難，盡量幽默點能不枯燥，所以，

試試哦亨利的短片小說咋樣

Ⅳ 求十篇搞笑的英語短文

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一隻母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見一隻貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。

母老鼠向著貓叫道：「汪，汪，汪」，貓聽了非常害怕，拚命跑走了。

母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：「現在你知道外語的重要性了吧。」

Ⅵ 請大家推薦一本簡單點的，情節精彩點的英語小說！謝謝！！！

推薦馬克．吐溫的＜湯姆．索亞歷險記＞，＜哈克貝恩．費利歷險記＞，他的文字以黑色幽默見長，美國英語，適合由老及幼的人閱讀，故事情節也極為豐富，被歷代推崇，可認為是經典，且因對話很多，描寫簡單細膩，不屬高難度英語．

在卓越網上可買到原版．

Ⅶ 推薦簡單英文小說

·Aesop's Fables
·Black Beauty·
·Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
·The Chronicles of Narnia·Charlotte's Web ·
這幾部都比較好看哈，前面的是童話和寓言，一般能讀懂哈~！

Ⅷ 推薦幾本英語小說（初中） 最好是幽默些的

麥琪的禮物，項鏈
好像我上初中那會，教材上就有這兩個故事

Ⅸ 最幽默的最搞笑的英文小說

A student is learning, rely on to Qian Jin school for students. First entered the school, according to Confucius Temple to pay homage, Confucius from the seat to go down to his bow.Students said:" today is his worship master, you should sit down one."Confucius said:" you are money disciples, not my disciple, I will not be your worship!"

Ⅹ 有沒有搞笑點的英文小說

《百萬英磅》，馬克吐溫短篇小說選，幽默而帶諷刺的，《歐亨利短篇小說選》也是此類書