幽默简单英语小说推荐

Ⅰ 急求英语搞笑小短文。要幽默，搞笑、简单。明天下午就要了，哪位大哥有的，谢谢…急

第一个
Anarab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?
"Abl Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"
翻译：
Anarab在一个美国关卡前的时候接受一些例行检查
“你叫什么名字？”
“ABDUL AZIZ”
“性别？”
“一周六次！！”
“噢，不是，我的意思是男性还是女性”
“没所谓拉，我有时候甚至骆驼也可以”

第二个
Sex is like a restaurant.

Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service "
翻译：
性爱就像一家旅店

有时候你能够得到全方位满意的服务，不过还有时候你只能通过自给自足达到满意的程度

第三个
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of.Cosmo
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy.
and ....
Wife on the cover of "missing persons".
翻译：
什么可以让一个男人开心呢？
女儿出现在Cosmo的封面上；
儿子出现在体育画刊的封面上；
情人出现在花花公子的封面上；
还有…….
老婆出现在“寻人启事”上；

第四个
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor!
Teacher: Why?
LJ: Because it's the only profession where you can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it
翻译：
老师：你长大了想做什么？
小约翰：医生！
老师：为什么呢？
小约翰：因为只有这个职业你可以让一个女人脱掉衣服而她的丈夫还为此买单

第五个
Woman complaining to dentist
"It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed.
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."
翻译：
女人对牙医抱怨道:
“那实在太痛了，我情愿去生孩子也不想拔牙”
牙医：“你要是想好了，我就把椅子的姿势调一下”

第六个
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. Wanted her tombstone to read : BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: "RETURNED UNOPENED"
翻译：
一个85老太太快要死了，却还是个处女，他留下遗愿，希望自己的墓碑上刻上：出生的时候做处女 活着的时候做处女 死了还要做处女！
雕刻墓碑的工匠嫌太长，遂刻上：“退货,未拆包装".

第七个
75 years old man got married to a 15 years girl.
On their first night both were crying.....
Why???
Because she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything 一个75岁的老头子和一个15岁的小姑娘结婚了
结果洞房的那个晚上两个人都哭了
为啥呢？？？
因为女孩什么都不知道，而老头子什么都忘记了

Ⅱ 十万火急！求十篇幽默英语小短文！

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
Father's Things

When Tom Howard was seventeen years old he was as tall as his father, so he began to borrow Mr. Howard's clothes when he wanted to go out with his friends in the evening.

Mr. Howard did not like this, and he always got very angry when he found his son wearing any of his things.

One evening when Tom came downstairs to go out, his father stopped him in the hall. He looked at Tom's clothes very carefully.

Then he said angrily, "Isn't that one of my ties, Tom?"

"Yes, Father, it is," answered Tom.

"And that shirt's mine too."

"Yes, that's yours too," answered Tom.

"And you're wearing my belt!" said Mr. Howard.

"Yes, I am, Father," answered Tom. "You don't want your trousers to fall down, do you?"

父亲的东西

汤姆.霍德华十七岁的时候，长得和父亲一样高了，于是当他晚上和朋友一起出去时，就开始借父亲的衣服穿。

霍德华先生可不喜欢这样，当他发现他的儿子穿他的衣服时，总是非常生气。

一天晚上，汤姆下楼准备出去，父亲在门厅里拦住了他。他细细打量着汤姆的穿着。

然后他气呼呼地说：“汤姆，那不是我的一条领带吗？”

汤姆回答说：“是的，父亲，是你的领带。”

“还有那衬衫也是我的。”

“是的，衬衫也是你的。”汤姆回答说。

“还有呢，你连皮带也用我的。”霍德华先生说。

“是的，父亲，”汤姆回答说，“你不愿意让你的裤子掉下来吧？” Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."

"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”

Ⅲ 谁有短篇的英文幽默小说。。急

1. Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says 2. "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"! 四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀！”3. Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut. "Eight dollars," I answered. "And for a shave?" "Five dollars." "All right," he said, settling into the barber chair. "Shave my head." 前些日子，有一男的来到我的理发店，问剪一个头要多少钱。 “八美元，”我告诉他。 “那，刮次胡子呢？” “五美元”。 “那行”，那男的边说边坐到了理发椅上，“来，给我刮刮头吧”。4. A father and son snake are out for a nice afternoon slither. The son asks, "Dad，are we poisonous snakes?" The father replies proudly, "Yes son, we are rattler snakes! Why do you ask son?" "Because DAD, I just bit my tongue!!" 一个阳光明媚的下午，蛇父亲和蛇儿子出去散步。儿子问：“爸爸，我们是毒蛇吗？”父亲得意的答道：“当然了，孩子，我们是响尾蛇啊！为什么这么问呢？”“因为，我刚把舌头咬破了！” 先提供四篇给你，加上上面的那么多，应该够了。谢谢

Ⅳ 求推荐幽默的英美小说，因为英语不大好，所以小说不需要经典，只求不要太难，尽量幽默点能不枯燥，所以，

试试哦亨利的短片小说咋样

Ⅳ 求十篇搞笑的英语短文

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。

母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。

母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”

Ⅵ 请大家推荐一本简单点的，情节精彩点的英语小说！谢谢！！！

推荐马克．吐温的＜汤姆．索亚历险记＞，＜哈克贝恩．费利历险记＞，他的文字以黑色幽默见长，美国英语，适合由老及幼的人阅读，故事情节也极为丰富，被历代推崇，可认为是经典，且因对话很多，描写简单细腻，不属高难度英语．

在卓越网上可买到原版．

Ⅶ 推荐简单英文小说

·Aesop's Fables
·Black Beauty·
·Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
·The Chronicles of Narnia·Charlotte's Web ·
这几部都比较好看哈，前面的是童话和寓言，一般能读懂哈~！

Ⅷ 推荐几本英语小说（初中） 最好是幽默些的

麦琪的礼物，项链
好像我上初中那会，教材上就有这两个故事

Ⅸ 最幽默的最搞笑的英文小说

A student is learning, rely on to Qian Jin school for students. First entered the school, according to Confucius Temple to pay homage, Confucius from the seat to go down to his bow.Students said:" today is his worship master, you should sit down one."Confucius said:" you are money disciples, not my disciple, I will not be your worship!"

Ⅹ 有没有搞笑点的英文小说

《百万英磅》，马克吐温短篇小说选，幽默而带讽刺的，《欧亨利短篇小说选》也是此类书